In the News this Week...

Just random news snippets that might be of interest to people. It might be concerning The Faith of The Generic Diety of Happiness, it might not.

Friday, October 6th, 2006

Mark Foley is a Dirty Old Man. Or something...

So it turns out that Mark Foley (a Florida Republican, House of Representatives) has been sending dirty, nasty e-mails and instant messages to congressional pages. But only the ones with wee wees! :D

It had been known to some close to him that he was gay, but he had decided not to come out. And, well, now that that particular shit bomb has dropped (the fact that he was gettin' jiggy on the interwebnets), he has resigned his seat in the HoR (that's code for House of Representatives, for those plebes reading this. recognise).

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.

The fact that he's gay shouldn't really have any affect on the fact that he's an old pervy dude, as it only determines the sex of the person he's perving on, but you know it will. Because now that the GOP has another gay republican out of the closet, they're going to go into PANIC MODE ALPHA, and blame the gayness. Now, usually I'm not one for politics, but this is slightly ridiculous.

And really, in a time when nobody wants to take responsibility for anything, can you really blame them? The answer, my friends, is YES. Yes we can. Why? Because here at GDH, we tend on the side of complete bastard-dom. Or, at the very least, we try. And that's what really matters, kids!

...where was I?

Oh, yeah.

So this Mark Foley guy is a perv. Not because he's gay (or whatever), but because HE'S A PERVY OLD MAN WHO SENDS DIRTY E-MAILS TO RANDOM CONGRESSIONAL PAGES. It also turns out that he's an alcoholic, which might have enhanced the perviness of the whole situation, and he's checking into rehab. Silly politicians.

That doesn't make it okay, but it sure does explain a lot.


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Thursday, April 27th, 2006

Scientology is a CULT. Yeah, we said it.

Now, we know that this may not be news to most people. However, we have not heard anybody come right out and say it, so we thought we would.

Scientology is a CULT. And, just like any other cult, the people IN it don't seem to realize that they are, in fact... in a cult. First, let us look at the definition of the word 'cult':

cult (klt)
n.

1. a. A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader.
b. The followers of such a religion or sect.

Okay, with that out of the way, all we have to do is look at the "religion". Some central beliefs of Scientology are as follows:

1. A person is an immortal spiritual being (termed a thetan) who possesses a mind and a body.
2. Through the Scientology process of "auditing", one can free himself of "engrams" and "implants" and thus recover their native spiritual abilities.
3. The thetan has lived through many past lives and will continue to live beyond the death of the body.
4. Psychiatry and Psychology are evil.
5. Humans retain many emotional problems caused by early stages of evolution.

(information thanks to Wikipedia)

We quickly discover that not a single one of these theories makes any sense when looked at by... anybody. Yes, even us. (And, just a quick note, if you think we're picking on Scientology specifically, then you've missed the point entirely.) There is one more important fact to remember here, also: L. Ron Hubbard, the creator of Scientology, WAS A SCIENCE FICTION WRITER. I really don't think any more has to be said. Well... except for this:

Dear Scientology,

Please stop. You are filling
the world with more ignorance
and stupidity than it needs.

kthnxbye,
GDH

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Thursday, February 16th, 2006
Cheney shoots man in face, says 'sorry, I thought you were a bird'. Everybody is shocked.

Recently, 72 year old lawyer Harry Whittington was shot in the face by Dick Cheney. They were at the Armstrong Ranch, hunting quail.

Apparently, Mr.Cheney thought that Whittington's face looked enough like bird ass to constitute shooting. To add injury to insult (no, I didn't get that backwards), HE SHOT HIM IN THE FACE.

Mr. Whittington was released on Monday, but the following day suffered a minor heart attack. He was readmitted to the intensive care unit at Christus Spohn Hospital in Corpus Christi, Texas. He will be monitored for up to a week to make sure no further complications arise.

Cheney has apologised for shooting Harry in the face, and wishes him well. It is my fervent belief, however, that to compensate for such gross misconduct, Cheney should shoot himself in the ass. Then, I think, it would all be okay.

--LaLa Absinthine